Different...

 Remember how I have said that we will all go through stormy seasons???  Currently I am going through one.  This storm is hitting me on all sides, personally, professionally, spiritually.  The enemy is coming at me full force.  There is a very real possibility that I may lose my job in just a matter of weeks because of budget cuts.  I am trying to get ahead of this by applying for other positions at other companies.  I believe yesterday was my 30th no thanks email.  I think I handle rejection as well as anyone , but this is driving my stress levels to all time highs.  I understand that you cannot have anxiety and Faith both at the same time.  I am pushing hard into my Faith in Jesus Christ, but I am getting radio silence again.  No, God doesn't owe me an answer, but anything would be better than silence.  There is an old saying that I use on occasion "Your silence is deafening."  I'm not going to lie, my Faith is being tested big time.  Have you ever found yourself in this position?  I'm sure that many of you have.  I continue to Pray everyday about these situations.  Amy said something to me last night that hit me right in the heart.  She said that maybe what I have been Praying for are the wrong questions to be asking at this time.  She truly is a Blessing from God.  I have talked about changing your perception just a little in other posts.  I need to do the same.  So, I get to my office this morning and turn on my youtube playlist for the day and out of nowhere is the song by Micah Tyler, "Different."  Guess God likes to answer in ways you don't quite expect.  Does this answer my questions about my future?  Nope, but it does show me that I am the one needing to be changed.  Thank You God for that little life lesson.  For anyone who hasn't heard that song you really should listen to it.  Life will happen, and stress is part of that.  Run to God and ask Him to not fix your problems, but to make you different so that you can handle these stormy seasons when they come.  God has a Plan for your life, and he will meet you in that valley to listen and never abandon you.  Remember that when life gets hard.

Different by Micah Tyler

I don't wanna hear anymore, teach me to listen
I don't wanna see anymore, give me a vision
That you could move this heart, to be set apart

I don't need to recognize, the man in the mirror
And I don't wanna trade Your plan, for something familiar
I can't waste a day, I can't stay the same

I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
'Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there's something different
So come and be different
In me

And I don't wanna spend my life, stuck in a pattern
And I don't wanna gain this world but lose what matters
And so I'm giving up, everything because

I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
'Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there's something different
So come and be different, oh

I know that I am far from perfect (oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh)
But through You, the cross still says I'm worth it (oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh)
So take this beating in my heart and
Come and finish what You started
When they see me, let them see You
'Cause I just wanna be different, yeah

I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
'Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Ooh, is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there's something different
So come and be different
I just wanna be different
So could You be different
In me

Battles with yourself are Heavy, Why???

This has been a long time coming for me.  My apologies that this has taken me so long to start writing again.  After losing some dear friends, relationships that crumbled, stresses within my personal life, I have found it hard to find the motivation to do this again.  I have come to the realization that my Battles are extremely Heavy, but why God????  This is a question that I have been praying about daily, multiple times and not feeling like I was getting the answer I was searching for.  There is the first problem, I was looking for an answer that would never come because I wasn't ready for it.  The answer I wanted was not the one that I would eventually receive.  I have come to realize that the reason my battles feel so heavy is because God is using them to make me strong.  To prepare me for what is coming.  The only way to become stronger is to lift something heavy.  The beauty in this is that even though it is heavy, God will not let me lift it on my own, He is there always to help me, all I need to do is ask and he will come meet me in the dirt, right where I am standing, struggling.  You have to go through something heavy in your life so that you will understand just how good God is.  I have asked God for things to become easier.  Then I realized that if things were easy, why would I Pray???  Failing at being in control of everything happening in my life is showing me just how much I have to trust in Him.  Now for all of you that are struggling, please don't lose your Faith.  Being broken and shattered into a million pieces will show you how loving of a Father God is as He puts you back together, better, happier, thankful, and lets not forget stronger.  We would never understand this if we were never allowed to be broken.  Everyone goes through battles, turn to God for help because He has your back.  Praise Him in all situations, good, bad, difficult, or heavy.  

A Life Lost...

 On Sunday I came across a post from some friends and classmates showing an obituary for an old friend who I will just refer to as James.  He was 50 years old and I will not get in specifics because it would just be pure speculation.  I cried when I read this.  I considered James a good friend.  He was incredibly talented.  Amazing musician, Artist, and the tile work I saw him do in home renovations were spectacular.  I remember the first day he showed up to our high school in this little bitty town.  He was different but not in a bad way.  James was very closed off until you got to know him.  He had a rough life, not many know what demons he battled in his youth, I do because we spent a lot of time together fighting the same ones.  I remember riding my bike on the country roads to go and hang out with him.  Like I said we spent a lot of time together.  We had a love of music and helped each other with other personal problems.  The first car that he bought was a sweet old impala I believe.  Red, tinted windows, with a thumping stereo system, everything a teenager would ever want.  That was one of the few times I saw him truly happy.  See James was great at putting on that mask, smiling to hide that pain inside.  Most of us these days still do this more than we want to admit.  After graduation we lost contact a bit, but reconnected later through social media.  Music seemed like it was his only peace.  He felt like God had turned His back on him many years ago.  I felt the same at that time.  He continued on his journey until one day it abruptly stopped.  The gut wrenching thing about all of this was this happened almost a year ago.  I had no idea.  I feel terrible that I had started to lose contact with him yet again and now the possibility of speaking to him again I feel is gone forever.  Jesus has commanded us to go and make disciples of all nations.  Take Gods word to everyone and be that light in the darkness.  I did not do this for James, and now because I didn't do what the Lord commanded me to do I am truly afraid that he may suffer for all eternity.  My heart is heavy and I feel that burden of failure, not just to Jesus but James.  Perhaps if I had the courage to approach him about Jesus at least the final outcome could have been different.  I don't know for sure if he had accepted God into his heart and soul, I hope so.  I know for sure that I didn't talk to him about accepting Jesus and His gift of Salvation.  James I am sorry, You will be missed my friend.  

I Really Don't Know...

 I was watching a show online the other day and a question was raised that they really didn't have an answer for.  The man hosting his podcast had a gentleman on who was catholic.  I am most definitely not catholic but I like to study other religions to see the differences along with similarities.  Doing this allows me to see things on a more broad spectrum and be more hyper focused on my Christianity.  The question asked was simply "What was God doing before Creation, before even creating the Angels?"  I thought this might be the most impossible question to try and even come up with any answer.  The guest thought for a moment and then stated that he doesn't know for sure, but he believes that God was planning creation as a loving father even then.  This answer was perfect.  Think about this for a minute.  God our Creator, Father, Alpha and the Omega, The Beginning and the End was planning our existence before anything.  He loves you so much that He took His time in creating you perfectly out of His Love for you.  God set in motion His Perfect Plan for us all when He never had to, He chose to.  I would ask you today to Chose Him back, Love Him with all your heart, be Thankful for everything in your life.  Everything is a blessing, even having to dig our car out of the snow.  I am thankful that I can still do this.  I now have a throwback to David Letterman Show:  Top 10 Things God could have been doing before Creation:

10. Sleeping Peacefully  (if you have kids you understand this one)

9. Golfing The Cosmos

8. Playing Guitar Hero

7. Sitting in absolute Silence  (Again kids reference)

6. Writing a Perfect Book  A.K.A The Bible.

5. Playing PlayStation 

4. Creating Tik Toks 

3. Sitting on His first created beach

2. Creating a Platypus because why not?

1. Loving us before we existed

I will end this message on this, Firstly if you are too young to know what a Letterman Top Ten list is look them up, Secondly God has Loved you before Creation, Lastly it's not too late to Love Him back.  

A Question Answered...

 I was on my morning walk around campus and it is a beautiful day.  I don't mind the colder weather and absolutely love seeing the moon in the morning sky.  The sun is amazing, but the moon is my favorite thing to look at.  I don't really know why but it just captivates me.  Sorry that was a squirrel moment, so back to the story.  On my way back to my office I ask God a simple but heartfelt question.  "Is my father and sister in Heaven with you?"  My father was never a spiritual man, but the pastor who gave him his last rites said that my father accepted Jesus into his heart and ask for forgiveness of his sins.  I hope that this is true and not a statement of comfort from that pastor.  My sister was a believer in Christ Jesus, but never had that opportunity to repent of her sins before her light was taken from us all.  I also asked God if I am on the right path, and what else can I do to be more like the man you want me to be?  I have never heard that voice in my head giving me the answers or had an Angel appear before me.  If you have had this happen to you then that is a true blessing and be thankful.  As I am getting closer to my office building, I look to my right and see many cars in the parking lot, but my attention is immediately on one.  I focus in on the license plate and is has one simple word on it.  That word was TRUST.  I walk this campus every morning and don't recall ever seeing this car or plate.  So, there is my answer.  Simple yet obvious.  I know all of us are looking for answers to questions, and I would say just take a look around because that answer is probably staring you in the face.  God could slap you in the face but then what do you really learn.  Pay attention and be patient.  God and Jesus love you and will come to you if you ask, but maybe not in the way you would expect.  Questions are answered by our loving Father, but you must also be prepared and open for that answer.  It may not be the one you were really wanting.  Have Faith and Trust in the Lord for those answers, even when times seem bleak.  He has never left your side and will Sheppard you on to the right path always.  

Just Look Up....

 Well it's been awhile since I last posted on here.  My apologies for being silent for that time.  Life can throw some crazy things at you.  God is forever the teacher, and His lessons can come from anything.  I don't want to go into specifics, but we have had some challenges recently in our lives.  Not complaining at all about any of it.  The situation put Amy and my Faith to a real test.  This was the lesson that God was teaching us.  Even when things go sideways look deeper into your Faith in Him that this was all part of the plan and that He was with you every step of the way, guiding us, giving comfort in a stressful situation.  I find comfort in a very simple phrase that I repeat daily.  Look up, and be Thankful for everything.  This includes even the difficult season you may be going through.  I know because we are coming out of one ourselves.  Even as difficult and stressful that it was, We are thankful to God for it.  God's lessons are so simple, and a perfect part of His Plan for you.  Give Thanks to Him at All Times.  We have friends that are also going through some very tough seasons right now.  A job loss after spending most of your life there.  He is so thankful for everything that has happened.  My friend is so inspiring to me.  He could have chosen another path, but has dove deeper into his Faith.  It's an amazing thing to see.  Another friends spouse is having some crazy medical issues, but yet their Faith holds strong.  I continue to Pray for them and that God will reveal to them why and where it will lead them from here.  Remember God works on His schedule.  He will move mountains, even if it's a pebble at a time.  So, Look Up To The Sky, admire the beauty around you, and be Thankful For Everything.  

And the Tears Came Pouring Out...

 My wife says that I have the biggest heart for everyone and everything.  I think she gives me too much credit most times.  I struggle with anger and anxiety just like everyone else, however there are times where I can't control my emotions.  I would describe myself as an Empath of sorts.  No it's not some mystical power.  There are times where I can be overcome by emotion by the individuals in a place, or even a situation.  These are not always sadness, but can be an array of about anything.  I have been at a concert and just overcome with joy and happiness that I will tear up and I don't know why.  This also happens on the opposite side of the spectrum.  Reading a story about a situation or seeing a video clip can sometimes cause this as well.  This morning I was reading a story about a dog that was abandoned and he brought a rock and placed it in front of a gentleman who sold hamburgers like he was paying for food.  This man accepted this stone and offered food to this pup.  This same transaction happened several times and then the pup started bringing his friends with him.  The man has continued to help these animals.  This in my opinion is incredible.  I teared up instantly while reading this story, as a matter of fact the tears are running down my face right now as I type this.  This man could have turned his back on this poor animal and let him suffer and probably starve and die.  Now what can I learn from this and apply it to my life?  My first thought is that when it comes to God I am like that dog, I have nothing physical that I can offer to Him for payment that will amount to anything of worth.  My possessions are like a rock to God, but He offers help to me anyway for free.   He could have easily turned His back on me and let me suffer and die, but guess what, that didn't happen.  There is no way to pay for salvation.  This has already been paid for with the Blood of Jesus, and only through Him will you ever be allowed to enter Heaven.  Now secondly this dog brought his friends to come seek help as well.  We are sent out in this world to save others in the name of The Lord.  We are commanded to be that light in the darkness.  That pup did exactly that, he brought others to get help when no one else would.  This man offered them the same Grace and Mercy as the first pup.  God freely gives Grace, Mercy and Love to all.  Most, unfortunately don't understand this.  The way to let people know this is to go out and tell others about Him.  It's not always an easy thing, Honestly I struggle with this.  I have bibles in my backseat that I am trying to distribute to all that want one.  I pray about this daily, asking for help doing this.  I am just a man, but trying to be that light for God.  What I want you to take from this story today is that God is there to help you, ALWAYS.  The payment for that help has already been paid in full.  Go to Him with your heart and let Him work in your life.  Show Mercy, Love, and Grace.  Be a Light in this dark world.  Show some compassion, and be an Ambassador for God.